First off – let me apologise for the headline there. It’s misleading. Bhench*d is by no means my favourite abuse. Come to think of it, I don’t have a favourite abuse. I use them all as frequently or as infrequently as the others. I use the Bhench*d as much as Gan*u or Kuttey Ka Bachcha – but at the same time, I don’t love either one of them. I don’t love abusing either, and that’s where the confusion starts for most. It’s not like I go out of my way to abuse someone. It’s not like I write sonnet-like abuse or deliver talks on the greatness of ‘Fuc*’ like Osho – my pursuits are relatively more everyday.
Right this morning, the asshole who cleans my car didn’t show up. By the time I was done cleaning my car with 3,000 single ply tissue papers, that asshole CA had sent a reminder for Income Tax. On my way to work a Gan*u cut me off on a U-turn and the motherfuc*er security guard made me reverse my car 500 times just so it could be 2 cms closer to the wall. At work, i finally saw that video of a cat doing the tango – Oh bhench*d, so cool. But you get my drift, right? I don’t like or love to abuse – I just end up abusing. If you’ve done this too, you’ll read this story and go ‘Oh Fuc*’ this happens to others too!
1. You have given at least one very, very dirty abuse in front of your parents. They’ve pretended they never heard it.
But they’ve brought it up later, and have scolded you, given you the stares and emotional lectures, but nothing has worked. They have given up. Parents believe only god can fix you and this awful habit of yours.
2. You can’t understand why people get their chaddies in a bunch with a simple cuss word. Ditto for the HR censor you got for cussing.
It’s not what-the-hell for you, it’s WTF. It’s a part of your dictionary. And the world should ideally accept that.
3. Cuss words aren’t abuses for you, they’re adjectives/emotion-describers. Not sure if that’s a word though.
When you’re happy- F****** yes!
When you’re sad- What the F*** yaar!
4. Relatives with young kids consider you a ‘bad influence’. Their 5-year-old kid called the girl next door a bitch.
That saves you from a lot of expectations. But they question your upbringing. They think you are a spoiled brat. And most of all, the aunties think you will never find a husband. Like it or not, it’s the truth.