There are two kinds of people in the world – ones who consider the New Year as the sacred party time, and the other who have honestly had it with the over enthusiasm. If you belong to the latter, we have something that we’d like to tell you – we feel you. Every year, it’s the same drill – unwarranted party invites, unrealistic projection of hope, and a total disregard of the travesty that the previous year has been. And, while this forced celebration works perfectly for the happy bunch, for the cynical ones it is a task beyond their tolerance. We put together nine thoughts that will cross your mind in the lead up to the…ugh… New Year.
1. Oh it’s the New Year, again? Tell me all about it while I completely exclude myself from this narrative.
2. Look at all these party invites that I will never pay heed to because, let’s be honest, they are all the bloody same.
3. Dressing up for the New Year is fun? You know what’s better? Getting drunk on tall glasses of wine, and managing to not spill it anywhere.
4. Ask yourself – do you really deserve that year-end vacation that has engulfed half of your savings? You could have curled up in a cosy blanket, and it would have all been the same.
5. Why don’t I immerse myself in a rut of self-loathing, instead of screaming my lungs out at a random party where I won’t know anyone?
6. Kissing at midnight is a romanticized concept that puts a stifling pressure on young individuals to feel emancipated by ‘love’. It’s obviously a pile of lies.
7. These decorations are nothing but a manifestation of the hidden dissatisfaction that people feel but are afraid to admit, publicly. Well, I am here to embrace it.
8. 2016 was a horrible year for women, world peace, and humanity in general. What is there to celebrate? Stop pretending that nothing is wrong.
9. Don’t even get me started on the highly impersonal broadcast messages! There… I deleted every app that will enable any kind of interaction.